


The Adventurous Adventures of Nick and Jeff and Sebastian and Hunter

by ChaiYan



Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Assault, Banter, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Humour, HuntNiffBastian, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Multi, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, oneshots, sebtana friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27003019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaiYan/pseuds/ChaiYan
Summary: A record of Huntbastian and Niff’s best and worst ideas, good and bad moments. Featuring the other members of the New Diewctions and the Warblers!Huntbastian, Niff, Wevid, Klaine, Finnchel, Flad and Brittana ❤️CHAPTER FIVE: One of Sebastian’s jokes one evening spiral into a Niff vs Huntbastian (very graphic) prank war. This is only the beginning...
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Hunter Clarington/Sebastian Smythe, Jeff/Nick the Warbler (Glee), Mike Chang/Tina Cohen-Chang, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	1. French Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any ideas or prompts, please let me know! I can’t guarantee anything but it would lovely to have some suggestions.

The only coffee shop in Westerville, Ohio was a Starbucks that constantly seemed to be closed for renovations. Therefore, although it was inconvenient for time and distance, many Dalton Academy students flock to Lima’s Lima Bean for post-class crashes. It was only of those days for Sebastian and Hunter who had dragged feet through AP English, Calculus, World History and Maths together before their language class: AP Spanish for Sebastian, seeing as the half-Parisian native spoke better French than the teacher; French II for Hunter, who had taken it just to understand Sebastian’s insults and rants in French whenever they had an argument.

“I’m just going to the toilet.” Hunter told Sebastian as they sat down at a single table in the middle of the coffee shop. Sebastian looked up and nodded, grabbing his iPhone out of his pocket and switching it on, deciding nor to order coffee until Hunter was back. 

His focus was smashed when he heard a cackle from right next to him. Looking up, he saw two boys, one blonde haired and tall, the other being dark-skinned and short. Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, thinking these two boys seemed a little familiar. When they opened their mouth, Sebastian was struck with an irritating realisation:

“A-Ah - B-Bonjour, cheri!” The blonde guy gasped, his eyelids dropping mockingly, sparkling brightly.

“B-Bonjour - Je - Je m’apelle Sebasti-enne. .. Je s-suis un fat slut.” Sebastian’s heart dropped into his shoes, his eyes floating down towards the table, cheeks swiftly going scarlet. Their voices were high-pitched and dramatic, pouts big and even the occasional shrug jabbed his pride. He swallowed, looking towards the bathroom door as if begging for Hunter. For the third time in his life, he seemed to be devoid of harsh, snappy comebacks that always popped into his head when he saw Kurt. 

“I-I am from Le Freakland - speak no English... b-but you finger me for one of your American dollars!” He sneered, a wide smirk plastered to his face as he looked at Sebastian, who looked as if he was one breath away from bursting into tears.

“No want speak? You still can’t speak English, you connard?” The dark blonde boy laughed, giving his friend a side-eye before they simultaneously flung their coffees into Sebastian’s face. Sebastian cried out as the hot liquid splashed his face, dripping down to his Dalton uniform. As he reached up to wipe the coffee off his cheeks, he noticed Hunter coming towards their table, holding two cups of coffee and looking as if someone had just assaulted the love of his life. What a coincidence.

Hunter scowled as he watched the two boys walk away from his Sebastian, who was ferociously trying to blink back tears “What happened, Bas?” He gasped “Are you okay?” Sebastian didn’t respond, save for the little huff as he got up and stormed into the bathroom. Hunters eyes drifted between the mess on the table, the New Directions watching wide-eyed at the drama, and the two boys who were lingering near the back of the coffee shop. He turned to Blaine, an icy glare cutting into him “What the hell happened, Anderson?”

Blaine blinked, gaze darting to Kurt and back to Hunter again “I-I wasn’t listening much ... but these two guys came over and ... uh... started making fun of Sebastian in French and calling him a slut ... yeah.” He shrugged, ignoring the slight shake in his shoulders. 

“Those assholes-“ Hunter’s voice dropped to a growl, his glare hardening as he turned, placing them cups down. He strode over to the two boys and tapped the dark-blonde one on the shoulder. Once he had turned around with a curious, blank glance, Hunter’s fist threw through the air, smashing into his jaw. The boy released a startled yell, staggering backwards into the table, which moaned as it scraped against the floor. His darker friend stepped back, is eyes filling with horror before scoffing.

“What the hell was that for?” He babbled, eyes swivelling between Hunter and his friend, who was trying to crouch into a seat.

“Don’t you dare bully Sebastian!” Hunter spat, his fist balling up so tightly, there were peach half-moon indents in his palms. He inhaled sharply.

The boy laughed “Ha! So you’re the unlucky bastard screwing him? We weren’t doing anythin-“ He was cut short as Hunter shoved him into the wall, eyes wide. “Dude, get off me!”

“I don’t-“ Hunter growled “Want to head your bullshit excuses. You don’t approach him; Don’t speak to him; Don’t even look at him- are we clear? If I notice a single glance in his direction, I’ll slap you and your friend into next week.”

The boy shrugged “I-“

“Are. We. Clear?”

“This isn’t an empty promise.” Hunter sneered “This is from me.” He declared, turning to the blonde boy again, pulling his fist back and smashing it into his nose “And this is from my lovely boyfriend.” Hunter spun round and punched the darker boy in his nose, watching with a wide smirk as both his opponents were clutching their faces. Turning and wandering back to his and Sebastian’s table, Hunter’s ears pricked up at the pleasant sound of feet skidding across the floor as the boys scrambled to leave. 

Sebastian emerged from the bathroom, his face clean, but his shirt and trousers littered with beige splashes. As he saw Hunter, he sat down at the table, blinking owlishly “What did you do?” He asked, spotting a flash of them leaving.

“Me and those guys who were mocking you had a little chat.” Hunter winked, smiling at him with a minuscule glint in his eyes.

“I hate them. They went to my old school back when I had just moved to America. Harry and Felix are stupid as fuck.” Sebastian shrugged “Th-Thanks for whatever you did to help me.” His face broke into a smile as he slid out of his chair and Hunter slid his hand into Sebastian’s own.

“Anything for you, baby.”

Sebastian grinned, melting into Hunter’s arms “Je t’aime.” He whispered.


	2. Things That Make You Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunter refuses to believe that ghosts and spirits are real, so Niff and Sebatian decide the best way to persuade him is to experience it first hand. So they try and use a Ouijia board.

A normal Saturday evening would consist of Dalton students revising for a couple of hours quietly in their bedrooms, calling their parents after to run through the day, and going to bed promptly before a tutor did the lights-our round. On the fourth floor of Granbrooke House, the weekend was never like this: last week, somebody had forgot about leaving a piece of bread in the toaster, which made the alarm go off and also meant that the whole house had to trail out of the house for fire drill roll. This Saturday seemed to be calm, especially surprising for the members of bedrooms G14 and G16 on the second floor. Sebastian and Nick had stumbled across the hallway to their boyfriends’ room where they spent time trying to find something fun to do. Our story opens with Nick and Jeff snuggling on Jeff’s bed together, watching a YouTube video whilst Sebastian, perched on Hunter’s lap at his desk, was helping Hunter through the conjunction of some obscure French verbs. Hunter put down his pen on the page, squinting his sore eyes with a loud sigh. Sebastian tittered as Hunter moved and wrapped his arms around Sebastian, lips sliding up towards the French boy’s ne-

“Holy shit - did you see that?” Jeff squealed, latching onto Nick’s arm. He shivered “Oh my God...”

“Wait - no - what happened?” Nick furrowed his eyebrows “Jeffy, your nails are digging into my s-skin!” He protested.

“Oh, shoot - sorry...” Jeff released him before pointing at the top right corner of the iPad screen “She moved - just an inch - but it was really clear.”

“What are you guys watching?” Sebastian cut in as he rested his chin on Hunter’s shoulder as he peered at them “We were having a moment until Jeff pissed himself.”

“Shut up!”

“No,” Sebastian smirked “I don’t think I will.”

“You’re not cool when you quotes from memes.” Nick crooked an eyebrow, his face breaking into a smile. 

“Whatever.”

“Nah, Bassy - you’ll always be cool to me.” Hunter snickered, pressing his lips against the skin of Sebastian’s neck, making a glistening sloppy kiss. 

“Basically, we are watching real footage of ghosts possessing things like dolls. And you see them move and everything - it’s so weird.” Nick explained.

Hunter snorted “Ghosts aren’t real, you dumbasses.”

“Yes they are!” Jeff’s face scrunched up, eyebrows furrowed “Have you not seen all the stories on Reddit?”

“Yes, but it’s bullshit.”

“Bullshit?” Sebastian asked “You really don’t think ghosts are real?” His eyes swivelled across to Nick and Jeff with a wide smirk “I think it’s time we get the board out.”

Nick widened his eyes “That - board?” He squeaked.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun. Where is it?”

“I think in the bottom of Jeff’s wardrobe.”

“Wait, Nicky - you left it at the bottom of the wardrobe? What the heck? What if we have an angry demon latched onto my denim jacket because you didn’t get rid of the board?”

“Jeff, Nick asking you to do anal with a cactus is more likely to happen.” Sebastian scoffed.

“Sorry - the board? You guys got a Ouija board?” Hunter asked, craning his head round to peer at Sebastian.

“Ah, yeah. We got it ages before you transferred to Dalton. We have never used it though because Jeff would cry every time we tried to get it out.” Sebastian explained.

“I didn’t cry!”

“Please, you cry like an African child seeing the WaterAid cameraman down a bottle of ice tea.”

“That’s - would a malnourished African child even know what ice tea is?”

“Who cares? It’s still better than the mosquito-shit water people drink from puddles.”

“We could...” Nick shrugged “Try it out...”

“We aren’t going to Africa to drink ice tea - what’s the point in that?” Sebastian tittered, looking at Jeff roll his eyes “Oh my God, you thought I was being serious.”

Hunter smirked “Bas and I will do it. Jeff?”

“Oh, fine then.”

“What’s the time?” Nick asked, heaving himself over Jeff and off the bed, stumbling towards the wardrobe, where he stayed rummaging through the heap of clothes and shoes.

“1:37. I can’t be assed to waif until 3 am so let’s just do it now.” Sebastian piped up, kissing the top of Hunter’s head and sliding off him.

“Good point.” Hunter nodded.

“Et voila!” Nick exclaimed as he pulled a torn, rugged old box out from within the depths of Narnia. “Let’s go, mes amis!”

“Nicky, you’re my best friend but if you ever murder my language like that again, you won’t have a tongue to murder it with.”

Nick rolled his eyes and sat down opposite Sebastian on the floor whilst the other two filled in the missing gaps. The lid had gathered a thin layer of silvery dust that floated onto the carpet as Nick opened the box. From inside, he revealed a slightly battered ouijia board, complete with one of the triangle-things that he could never seen to remember the name of. 

“Do you all know how to do this?” Hunter looked around the circle, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Yeah, it’s fine. What’s the worst that can happen?” Jeff answered, placing the tip of his two index fingers “We just put our fingers on the planchette, then we have to say abracadabra and wait for the fairy godmother.”

Hunter scoffed, holding up the paper of instructions “Or we just put our fingers on it and ask if there’s anyone who wants to talk to us. Oh, turn off all the electricity too, it says.” Nick nodded and went to shut the lights off as Sebastian unplugged the chargers from Jeff’s laptop and his phone. “Just use our phone torches?”

“Strangely enough, we don’t really keep candles in our room, Hunter.” Jeff snickered.

As the four boys were plunged into near-darkness, they gathered around the board, sitting next to their respective boyfriend. Sebastian smirked as he heard Hunter suck in breath when they placed two fingers each on the planchette. 

“So how do we do this?”

“First,” Nick started “We need to keep our fingertips very light on the planchette so we know it’s not one of us moving it. Then,” He continued as he gently guided the planchette in a clockwise circle around the board “This is just to warm it up.” The others nodded as they moved it around a couple times “Okay, who wants to ask the questions?”

“I will.” Hunter replied with a cocky smirk. 

“Sure. So then you ask if anyone’s there and if there is, then you start asking some questions. Just don’t ask stuff about God or when you’re going to die etcetera etcetera.” 

Hunter nodded, even looking up a little as he spoke loudly “Is anyone there?”

Nothing 

“Is there anyone here?”

Nothing 

“See, guys - I told you nothing was-“ Hunter stopped short as they watched the planchette move towards the picture of the sun, which said {YES}. “Oh shit. Wait, which of you was that?”

“Wasn’t any of us.” Sebastian chuckled “It’s the big spooky Halloween demons, baby.”

“You’re so dumb, Bas.” Hunter rolled his eyes “Name first?” They nodded “Okay, demon-spirit-thing - what is your name?” They watched as the planchette slid across the board to five letters before stopping abruptly “K-O-R-N-A. Korna? Uh... Korna, when did you die?” The planchette moves again, picking up speed “1-9-3-1. 1931.”

“Shouldn’t we ask whether they’re a good or bad spirit?” Sebastian asked before Jeff shook his head.

“I don’t want to know if it’s a bad spirit!”

“Yeah, but then we would know to end the game.”

“What if it lies? It can do that?” Nick cut in.

“Guys, be quiet. Fine, I’ll ask whether it’s a good or bad spirit so we can say goodbye if it’s bad.” Hunter said, clearing his throat after a second “Korna - are you a good or bad spirit?” They all waited for a second, but no response came “Korna - are you a good or bad spirit? Please tell us.”

“Wait - what the fuck?” Jeff exclaimed as the planchette began moving back and forth, circling round the board in a pattern. 

“Let me look at the in-“

“No - don’t!” Nick cut Hunter off, breathing out “You can’t take your fingers off the planchette.”

“That’s not a rule-“ Sebastian said “You can take your fingers off but at least one person needs to keep it on-“

“It is a rule-“

“Is not-“

“Is too-“

“Fine! I’ll keep my fingers on the fucking thing!” Hunter rambled “What the hell do we do about this figure of 8?”

“Oh fuck - we need to end this now!” Sebastian said “I think it means a bad spirit is trying to get out or something!”

“Oh, God - this is not happening - this is not happening - this is not -“ Jeff started ramble but was cut off when the planchette was swept out from under their fingers, skidding across the board and onto the carpet a couple of centimetres away from the board. 

Nick and Jeff and Sebastian and Hunter stared at it in horror. There were even tiny tears beginning to seep down Sebastian’s face as they all stayed frozen on the floor. All the colour from Hunter’s face drained until it was deathly pale. Nick’s hands were stuck to each other with sweat and he and Jeff were both shaking in their spots. Only their laboured breathing broke the silence.

They looked at each other. 

Then Hunter screamed. 

—-/—/—-

Sebastian burst into tears and screamed, racing out of the room and down the hallway. The others, though not so dramatic, ran down the corridor after him towards Wes and Trent’s room. Sebastian burst into Kurt and Blaine’s room, slamming the door open with a bang, waking said boys up from their beauty sleep. Blaine let out a loud exclamation, only seeing a tall silhouette in the doorway. Sebastian ran over to their bed (actually, two single beds pushed against each other to make one big bed) and clambered in the middle of Kurt and Blaine, burying himself beneath the covers. 

Kurt squawked indignantly, scowling as he was shoved further to the edge of the bed “What the-“ Sebastian cut him off with another choked sob “Sebas-“

“Oh, poor baby - what’s wrong?” Blaine asked, pressing his fingers into Sebastian’s back and moving them around in little circles “What happened?”

Sebastian shook his head.

“Did Hunter do something to you?”

Sebastian shook his head.

“Is it your dad?”

Sebastian shook his head 

“Do you want a hug?”

Sebastian nodded. Kurt frowned over at Blaine, confused as to why Blaine was talking to Sebastian so sweetly. Blaine noticed the stare and just shrugged, looping his arm over Sebastian and pulling him close. With a pointed look from his boyfriend, Kurt sighed and mirrored him, not quite believing that either of them would ever be cuddling in bed with Sebastian Smythe. 

After a couple of minutes, the door opened quietly and Hunter poked his head in, noticing the threesome. Blaine sat up, rubbing his eyes and giving him a small nod as he moved off the bed. Hunter wandered in and sat down on the bed, clasping his hand in Sebastian’s “Bassy - we are going to sleep in your room tonight, okay? Nick and Jeff are sleeping with Trent and Wes tonight so they’ll be fine. Come on, baby - let’s leave Kurt and Blaine to their sexy time.”

“We weren’t - never mind.” Kurt sighed. 

Sebastian nodded, sitting up with a sniff, heaving himself out of the bed and flinging his arms around Hunter’s neck. Hunter smiled, happy that Sebastian couldn’t see his own puffy, red eyes in the dark. He heaved Sebastian up onto his waist and looked at Blaine and Kurt who were huddling together in their bed again.

“See y’all tomorrow.” He sighed. Then, he turned around and carried Sebastian out of the bedroom.

—-/—/—-

Getting through that afternoon’s Warbler meeting was absolute hell for all four of them. Whilst Wes and Trent and Kurt and Blaine hasn’t probed into the events of the night before, it was obvious to everyone else in the room that something had happened that night. Their faces were pale and dark circles hung around their eyes, yet their jumpiness came partly from the several cups of coffee they had each drank throughout the course of the day. When it finally reached the two-hour Warbler rehearsal at the end of the day, Hunter was ready to pass out. He sat on one of couches, arm around the back of Sebastian’s neck as they tried to listen without zoning out. 

After around fifteen minutes of the meeting, Sebastian noticed Hunter’s eyelids beginning to droop across his grey eyes, his head lolling as they did so. Sebastian grinned, snuggling up to Hunter, letting the other wrap his arm around his waist. Pulling Sebastian in close, Hunter smiled and kissed the top of his head gently. Sebastian sighed, feeling his own eyes bored down with a wave of exhaustion. As much as last night was fun, Sebastian and Hunter hadn’t been able to sleep last night at all. They occupied Sebastian and Nick’s room, tossing and turning, occasionally tangling their limbs in a hot, sweaty mess, keeping each other awake and alert. 

Sebastian slid his head into the crook of Hunter’s neck, slotted against his warm skin as he closed his eyes. Soon after, Hunter also succumbed to sleepiness and both of them fell fast asleep, cuddling one another. 

Wes was pissed off - how dare two of his Warblers fall asleep whilst Thad was discussing whether Train or Panic! at the Disco was a better choice for their gig at the Westerville County Mall next weekend. His glare at the couple on the couch prompted the others to also look in heid direction, amused. Thad trailed off, seeming to give up on the matter. For a moment, everything was in a peaceful silence. 

“Somebody wake them up - they will be punished after this rehearsal.” Wes sighed, glancing towards Trent, encouraging him to go over there. 

“Wait - I’ll wake them up.” Jeff hissed, glancing towards Nick with a wide, cunning smirk that was returned by his boyfriend. Jeff crept over to Hunter and Sebastian’s sleeping forms, crouching down and pressing a finger to his lips as Sebastian’s eyes opened to bleary slits, noticing him. Sebastian grinned. With a sudden loudness, Jeff screamed “BOO!” 

Hunter’s eyes slid a millimetre open, saw Nick and shrieked as if he had been electrocuted. His head shot backwards as his whole body jolted, which consequently, led to his head smacking Blaine next to him in the nose. 

Shit hit the fan. 

Blaine cried out, his hands flying to his nose as he pressed his face into his lap. Sebastian opened his eyes, sat up and clutched his stomach as he burst into a wave of laughter. Wes hit his gavel on the table. Jeff, startled by Hunter’s loud reaction, stumbled over his own feet and fell on his arse, back striking the edge of the coffee table. Nick shot out of his seat and ran over to Jeff, squawking like a mother hen to see if he was okay. Wes hit his gavel again. Kurt squatted down to see Blaine’s nose before he whipped around and started screaming at Hunter. Wes hit his gavel on the table. And scolded Thad for catching eyes and laughing with Sebastian because “it was not funny!” 

Hunter stayed in his seat, not quite taking in everything that was happened, but looked a bit dazed even as Kurt screeched at him. 

“Everyone, shut up!” Wes yelled over the noise to which the ruckus promptly stopped, heads craning round forwards the Council table in bewilderment. 

There was a long silence.

Wes sighed, his aching hand releasing the gavel onto the surface of the table with a swift clang “Warbler James, go fetch an ice pack for Blaine, please. Kurt, stop yelling at Hunter - it was an accident. Nick and Jeff - get off the floor and sit down and - Sebastian - Warbler Sebastian-“ He scolded at the red-faced boy who was struggling to hold back his girlish giggles “It’s not funny!”

Sebastian tittered, which set off a wave of laughter between he and Thad, and soon, the rest of the Warblers.

Wes had never been happier to think about how close his graduation was now.

Nick’s sudden cough broke the silence “Shit, guys - We forgot to say goodbye-“

Sebastian, Hunter, Nick and Jeff all stared at each other with wide eyes “Fuck-“


	3. When We Were Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine find out something horrifying in room G14 as Hunter opens a parcel from his cousin in Japan.

For Kurt and Blaine, classes had thankfully finished cor the day, giving them a good two hours of Warbler practice before dinner and prep. Having been let out their last class extremely late at 4:10, they already knew that they were late to rehearsal but were walking down the hall quickly from their dorm. That is, until Blaine stopped walking, suddenly feeling something small clamp onto his leg, looked down and spotted the small boy with his arms wrapped around his leg“H-Hello? What’s your name?” He knelt down with a warm smile, peering closer at the boy “You have very pretty eyes.”

“Very good-looking.” Kurt agreed with a small nod.

“You sound like a girl!” The boy laughed at Kurt, who tittered angrily. 

“That’s not very nice-“ Blaine furrowed his eyebrows “What’s your name?”

“Seh-was-chun. Je suis fwon-say.” The boy answered, nestling his head against Blaine’s leg. 

Kurt blinked “Wait-“

“What?”

“You don’t think...” He tailed off, eyes widening in surprise “That’s...”

“I mean, I didn’t understand what he said because I can’t really speak Fren- Oh -“ Blaine blinked at Kurt before looking back down at the little Sebastian “How the hell is this even possible?”

“Not even Harry Potter could do this.”

“He probably could at some point.”

“Blaine - that’s not the point! Sebastian has turned into a four year old! We have to get Hunter now.” Kurt huffed “What if we can’t turn him back? What if-“ he was cut off suddenly by a loud scream from down the hallway. ”What was that?” 

Blaine hoisted Sebastian up in his arms “I don’t know but I think we need to find out and then go find Hunter.”

Kurt nodded, guiding them down the hallway, listening out for the screaming noise that was coming from a room near the end of the corridor. He stopped outside room G14, ignoring the name on the door, and knocked firmly. Silence, and then a ear-splitting screech. Kurt turned back to Blaine with a shocked face and pushed the door open to see a bleach-blonde four year old, a dirt-blonde haired five year old and another three year old, this one with dark brown hair. Little Hunter was slowly rolling up and down the length of the floor, from the window between the headboards to the mirror opposite and back. Little Nick held a tiny plant pot, shaking it up and down in his tinier hands, specks of brown soil spilling onto the floor. Little Jeff was on one of the beds, cuddling one of the two navy pillows.

Blaine stepped into the room, holding Sebastian, him and Kurt standing shocked into silence until Hunter looked up and yelled “BASSY!” as Blaine propped Sebastian down on the floor, watching him crawl over to Hunter with a big smile.

“Oh God, if I thought his voice could be any more annoying...” Kurt snickered. He blinked as Nick put down the plant pot and ambled over to Kurt. Kurt looked down at Nick, a wide smile appearing on his face. “Hello, are you Nick?”

“Why are you so big?” Nick asked.

“Because when you’re a big boy, you grow.”

“Why?” Nick asked.

“Everyone grows up.”

“Why?”

“I - uh - I don’t know! Stop asking me questions!” Kurt rolled his eyes, his loudness running away with him for a split second. 

“Sebastian, can you get off Hunter for one second?” Blaine asked with a long sigh, growing tired of how grabby the French boy was becoming.

“Non, monsieur! I-I like to touch boys!” Sebastian chirped, wrapping his arms around Hunter’s waist.

“I want him to touch me - he is MINE and you won’t steal him away!” Hunter squealed “Only I tell him what to do!”

“Ah, the foundations of a toxic relationship is telling your partner what to do. Hunter is so charming.” Kurt drawled as he rolled his eyes, flouncing over to the bed and sitting down.

“Leave them alone.” Blaine chuckled, rocking Jeff in his arms as he watched Nick admiring the plant again “He’s like what? Four years old?”

“Five and HALF!”

“Okay, almost a six year old then. Sebastian seems to really like it though.” Blaine glanced at the floor where the pair had shifted to sit on the floor, Sebastian wrapped in Hunter’s arms “Look how cute they are!” He fawned with a wide smile. 

Kurt nodded slowly “I wonder how they got in this state in the first place...” He muttered, spotting a large box on Hunter’s bed. He rounded the children and pulled out the small box and piece of paper than was hidden inside. Scanning the box and muttering to himself “De-aging ritual salts from Mount Fuji? Mix with water and drink to see the magic...”, he didn’t notice that Blaine had snatched the letter “Hey, I was reading that!”

“Hey, Hunny-Bear.” Blaine tittered at the nickname “So for my class project, I decided to rewatch ancient Japanese rituals and I found these in a small store in downtown Tokyo. I bought some too so these had better be worth the money! I know Sebastian is a bit of a daredevil so let me know how it goes! Your cousin, Will Clarington-Moorfray.” Blaine let out a laugh “Looks like it worked...”He stopped laughing swiftly when he noticed Kurt’s unamused stare.

Nick suddenly got up, placing the plant pot down and ambling over towards Hunter and Sebastian, launching himself onto Sebastian with a loud giggle as he grabbed his shoulders and fell onto him. Hunter let out a wail, pulling Sebastian close to him as he tried to kick Nick away. Hunter struck his thigh, causing Nick’s face to crumple. Nick’s cheeks and forehead went red as he cried out, letting a sudden wave of tears begin to deep down his face. Sebastian blinked, looking a little distressed by the sudden yelling, causing him to start sobbing too. Jeff, who was sleeping, was also woken up by the calamity and looked found in amazement.

Hunter growled low “You make Bassy cry!” He accused, trying to push Nick off Sebastian with another kick.

“Woah, woah, woah! Let’s not fight, okay?” Kurt pulled Nick off Sebastian and squatted to the floor “Hunter, that wasn’t very nice. Nick, don’t jump on top of Sebastian like that, okay?” The two boys scowled at each other, Nick folding his arms and Hunter kissing the top of Sebastian’s head whilst glaring at Nick “Can you both apologise to each other and make up?”

“No!” Nick spat out.

“If he doesn’t say sorry to Bas, I’m not saying sorry!”

“Nick, say sorry to Hunter and Sebastian.” Kurt hardened his gaze “Or you’ll go straight to the naughty corner.”

“They’re meanies! Hunter is a big bully and Sebaschun doesn’t speak English! It’s not FAIR!” Nick wailed, pushing his lips into a pout. 

“That’s enough, young man. Blaine is going to put you in the naughty corner.” Kurt looked up and crooked an eyebrow at Blaine, who sighed and picked up Nick with his free arm, plopping him the corner next to the bathroom door. At that moment, Jeff looked up, spotted Nick facing away from him in the corner and yelled “NICKY!”

“You can’t bloody win with any of them, can you?” Kurt sighed. His ears pricked up at the pounding rhythm of footsteps coming down the hall “Oh no, what’s the time?”

“4:21. Why?” Blaine asked “Oh...” he muttered, finally understanding.

“Why are you twenty minutes late to Warbler practice? Wes is going to have your head!” David exclaimed, bursting into the room “Also, why are you in Jeff and Hun...” He trailed off as he noticed the four children “Who are they?”

“Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest and Doomed.” Blaine sighed “Sterling, Clarington, Smythe and Duval.”

“Warbler Anderson, do not make jokes - where are they?” 

“I’m Nick!” Nick exclaimed from the corner, turning around to peer at David “Who are you?”

“Wait...” David paused, blinking owlishly at the four children in the room. They did look awfully similar to the four he was searching for. “How the - How did they manage to do that? That’s ... “

“Magical?” 

“Yeah...” David huffed “Well, we need to go to practice and we can’t ... just leave them here.”

“We are not carrying these four through the whole of Dalton like this.” Kurt said, his stare hardening.

Blaine sighed “I guess we have to though.”

“I may as well bring a toy or something. At least we can try and get to be quiet or sleep so Wes doesn’t get pissy at us...” Kurt suggested “We can take that.” He said, pointing at a medium-sized elephant on Hunter’s bed.

Blaine laughed again “I didn’t know Big Manly Clarington had a soft spot for Build-A-Bear.”

———————————————-

Thankfully, most of the corridors were devoid of students at 4 pm on a Wednesday after, most in sports practice or afternoon classes. Still, Kurt, Blaine and David walked speeding through the halls to get to the safety of the Dalton Warbler commons before anyone saw them with the children: Jeff and Hunter had sulked when Nick and Sebastian were Seles d from them, so David suggested that they should be carried together. They wrapped them in big blankets too over the small clothes and acted as if nothing was wrong. 

When they finally burst into the commons and interrupted Wes before he was about to spiel about the importance of punctuality to rehearsal, they lifted the children to the floor, where they sat. Thad’s high-pitched squeal provoked the sudden fawning over them, especially as Hunter once again wrapped his arms around Sebastian and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. Whilst Nick and Jeff were giggling with an ecstatic Thad and Flint, Sebastian had looked up at Trent with a somewhat confused expression. 

“You look like a marshmallow out of a princess party bag.” Sebastian blinked at Trent.

Trent flushed red “Oh, he’s not even less intolerable as a child!”

Kurt chuckled, picking Sebastian up and propping him in his lap, whispering some sweet words in French into his ear. Sebastian nodded and cuddled up to Kurt, smiling as Kurt wrapped his arms around him. Never in Kurt’s life did he ever think he would be snuggling (voluntarily) with Sebastian Pierre Smythe, but he couldn’t deny that despite the bitchy better-than-you attitude, Sebastian was... sort of a cute child. At the same time, Blaine had Jeff and Nick cuddling on each side of him, whilst Hunter was on Trents lap, which Kurt also didn’t think would ever happen in a million years. 

A flash of light stuck the room, provoking a ripple of screams from the Warblers. When the light died down, they quickly saw the elephant in the room. Sebastian was perched on Kurt’s lap hugging a stuffed elephant. Hunter was latched onto Trent and Nick and Jeff were melted into Blaine’s sides. 

“Aw, Blaine - we didn’t know you wanted to be a part of Niff!” Nick and Jeff chorused, leaning in with matching smirks and kissing Blaine on either cheek. Blaine flushes red, trying to stop the smile from creeping onto his face. They didn’t seem to notice that all of them, save for the blankets wrapped around them, were naked. 

“How the -“ Trent started.

Kurt rolled his eyes “Get your bony ass off my lap, Sebastian.” He shoved him, to which Sebastian gently grinder his ass against Kurt’s lap “Smythe, get the fuck off!”

Hunter laughed “Sorry, Kurt - you should probably be aware that you have a boyfriend.”

“Shut up, Clarington. No one asked you.”

“You all should go get dressed. We will discuss what happened when you return.” Wes’ voice cut through the low rumbles of chatter as he pointed towards the door “And don’t let the Headmaster see you naked and running back in those blankets.” The four sighed, heaving themselves off the chairs and sofas and wandering towards the main double doors, the quiet interrupted by a loud “HYAA!~” when Nick grabbed Jeff’s bare ass through the blanket. 

“Wait - Sebastian-“ Hunter suddenly blurred out, realising that he was now without elephant, wandering after Sebastian “Give me Princess Ellie back!” 

“No, I think she’s mine now.” Sebastian smirked as he hugged the toy elephant and followed Nick and Jeff out of the room, closely followed by Hunter.

Kurt sighed “I’m already at the limit for painkillers today.”


	4. Jingle Jangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A one-off idea for Christmas completely changes their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate it! :)

“This is the best idea we have ever had.” Jeff pointed out “We are gonna get so rich off this!” He giggled, placing a wrapped present box over his crotch. He placed on elbow on the back of the sofa and rested his head against it whilst looking at the camera “Cheeese!”

“Shift the box up a little - we can see your pubes, Jeff.” Jeff rolled his eyes at Hunter “Almost done. Just a couple more.” The Warbler Captain smirked. 

“How can you see his pubes?” An almost naked Sebastian in his black Calvin Klein briefs asked. He sat on Hunter’s chair, watching “They’re camouflaged into his bland mayonnaise skin.”

“Thanks, Sebastian.”

Sebastian laughed “What sort of lawyer would I be if I didn’t tell the truth?

“Okay, Nick. You’re the last one. We have mine, Sebastian and Jeff’s done, as well as the couple photos and the group photos.” Hunter nodded as Jeff moved the box and wandered behind the camera to get his underwear. Nick positioned himself on the large chair by the fireplace, moving both legs to have one foot on the chair arm and the other leg spread wide in the other direction.

“Nick, you’re giving me an erection here.” Sebastian snorted.

“Shut up.” He answered “At least I didn’t actually get one like Hunter when you were sprinkled with glitter and leaning against the radiator and windowsill with your ass pushed out in red lingerie.” Hunter said nothing, but rolled his eyes, snapping the camera a couple times. Nick changed poses every so couple snaps. 

“I was looking out at the snow - it is called being artsy and sexy.” Sebastian laughed as Hunter nodded and Nick got off the chair, also fetching his boxers.

“Right,” Hunter stood up and flicked through the photos of Nick “I’ll do these over the next couple days-“

“I dibs on me manspreading on May!” Nick cut in.

Jeff nodded “I wanna be exposing my dick in January.”

“I wanna be shaking my ass in September.” Sebastian answered before he laughed “And we obviously want the group photos to be in a few months.”

“And, our couple photos on our anniversary months. So that’s September for me and Nicky and November for you guys.”

Hunter nodded in agreement “Okay, we will do that. Let’s clear up.” They got up and started to do just that. 

If you couldn’t figure out already, HuntNiffBastian were gathered in the Dalton senior commons, after their Warbler practice. The fire was roaring, glitter was everywhere, and there were tens of boxes wrapped as presents strewn near the long, leather couch as well as under the large Christmas tree in the corner. Nick, over dinner last week, had an amazing idea of the four of them doing near-naked holiday calendars. Sebastian agreed immediately. Of course, it was for charity too, but a small asset of the profits they would pocket too.

If you’re wondering whether this counted as child pornography it didn’t because a) they were eighteen years old and b) they weren’t naked. Jeff, for example, had a large present box placed over his dick. The others thankfully made do with some sexy Santa Claus boxers like Hunter that Sebastian said “fit the curve of his sexy butt really tightly”, or some tight lacy red panties like Sebastian or Nick, who was naked under a silk black kimono-style robe.

Thank God Dalton had so many fireplaces in the common rooms because it had been freezing that day (there was even a little snow on the front lawn!) but no one wanted to be naked in the cold. Hunter actually noted that he would bet money that sometime in the future, Dalton would burn down because of one of those fireplaces.

Their first point of interest when Hunter has finished editing and ordering the calendars from a factory was Crawford County Day, where Jeff’s cousin went to school. So far, there had been a demand for around 24 calendars for her, her friends and other classmates. Sebastian thought of mentioning that it was kinda weird for Jeff’s cousin to get an almost naked calendar of her own cousin, but held his tongue because it was too funny. Actually, they had brought in $480 from just those sales, selling them at $20 a calendar. 

What they didn’t expect was for 10 people the following day - friends of Emilia’s friends - to ask if they could get one too. Then, another 6 people asked the following day. By the end of the first week, they had ordered 62 calendars in total and had made a lavish $1204. Of which $400 was given a charity helping female victims of domestic violence, and another $400 to cancer research, as requested by Sebastian’s maman. With the remaining $404, they bought a jacuzzi which was agreed to be put in Nick’s sprawling backyard, but anyone could use it.

Actually, by the end of the month, they had a profit of $8847 after nearly the whole school had heard about, and clamoured for these sexy calendars. As Hunter had counted, 443 of the 800 students at Crawford now wanted a calendar.

It didn’t stop there. After another month, only a few dozen Crawford girls hadn’t bought a calendar, and it was beginning to spread to other schools in the area, and even across the state. Most teenagers with an attraction to teenage boys had ordered a calendar, leaving the factory decently managing to keep count, and leaving the four very rich. Well, even richer than they were already. 

What happened after that, was truly amazing. These girls and gays had been posting on their social medias about these four sexy boys on flip calendars, and order were sold from all over the place: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Dallas, Atlanta and Nashville just to name a few. At this rate, they were enjoying making several thousand dollars a week. 

“Guys,” Sebastian ended the call, looking round at his friends, who were all hanging out in his and Nick’s dorm. “I just got a call...”

“Who from?” Jeff asked.

“Well, Jimmy Fallon-“

“Jimmy Fallon?!” Hunter’s mouth fell open.

“Not Jimmy Fallon himself, but one of the producers of the show! She wants to go on the show because we have become so well-known!”

Jeff shrieked “Oh my God!” He pulled Nick off the bed and hugged him, the two of them jumping around excitedly. After laughing at them for a second, Sebastian and Hunter joined them, gathering in a circle and jumping about, laughing and yelling.

The next few, Valeria Laurent-Smythe organised four tickets for New York City and two hotel rooms at the best hotel in the city (She isn’t stupid, she knows what allosexual teenage boys get up to!). Even Hunter, after a couple drinks, reckoned that the bed in their room was comfortable AND had just the right sort of bounce for thrusting into Sebastian. The four of them had a lot of sex during that city break, and the show went smoothly as well. After that, talk shows with Ellen and James Corden and Jimmy Kimmel and Interviews from GMA and Vogue about their rise to fame and modelling breezed past them. 

Hunter always seemed to joke that his phone couldn’t take the thousands and thousands of orders that they would get from across the country, and even several international orders from the U.K., France and Germany. It took a lot of braveness for the four to ask the rich CEO of Sterling and Co for business advice, but after several weeks, they had made it.

They had made it. They were rich and famous and beautiful and admired.

Actually, if Sebastian could recall his favourite moment during this whole phenomenon, it would have to be Blaine sending him numerous texts and Instagram messages and missed calls about how he saw Sebastian’s almost naked body on his sister’s wall, then going out to central Lima, and spotting Sebastian modelling in those goddamn panties in a very large window poster display in Victoria’s Secret. His second favourite moment was when Mr Alexander Smythe rang him, asking if Sebastian knew that his boyfriend was on a billboard modelling for Calvin Klein underwear in Columbus, Ohio. Sebastian laughed and confirmed, before letting his dad know that he may find a Maserati-shaped gift in the driveway when he got home from his business trip.

Hunter and Sebastian had single-handedly, or almost single-handedly, revolutionised the market of male underwear, both comforting and sexy. Meanwhile, Nick had ventured into modelling for Abercrombie and Fitch and Jeff’s beautiful hair had got him a contract with Dior. 

Forget about One Direction, HuntNiffBastian were the new teen heartthrobs of girls and gays everywhere. 

Years later, whilst they had all graduated from college, and lived in a New York City penthouse that looked like heaven compared to Kurt and Rachel’s attic shoebox, they were going their own separate paths. Modelling was certainly amazing, but it wasn’t their destinies. Nick was becoming a music teacher for a private school in the city, Jeff had just started at a nearby hospital as a paediatric nurse, Hunter was completing a Masters degree at NYU for engineering and Sebastian had now received his JD from NYU too. Life was good. Life was good for both themselves and their families, as well as the people who they helped through charity, something Sebastian refused to abandon when their profits went into the tens and hundreds of thousands. 

Jeff would joke most days about how although it had been years now, and the calendars were certainly out of date, it was his nudes that kept their buyers hanging around. Actually, his next idea that they make one each year had gone down extremely well with their PR managers and agents. 

Sitting in their penthouse, they watched through Willy Winks and the Chocolate Factory, a Duval family Tradition during Christmas.

As it was coming to an end, and Charlie and Mr Wonka and Grandpa Joe we’re soaring above the small town, Sebastian piped up.

“Guys,” He announced, taking a sip of his piña colada and watching their reactions “Because we are so famous right now, I vote that our next project is making some OnlyFans accounts.”

Maybe the others needed to be a little more persuaded on that idea.


	5. Tied Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of Sebastian’s jokes one evening spiral into a Niff vs Huntbastian (very graphic) prank war. This is only the beginning...
> 
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT

It was only a matter of time before one or all of the four had gotten themselves tied up in some crazy mafia boss’ basement. Unfortunately for the reader, it was not this time, but the levels of embarrassment were pretty much the same.

Dalton is not a “gay school”. But the school is very, very gay - see the difference? In the Warblers, more than the majority at least had feelings for boys, but a small number were still in the closet. Sebastian, Nick, Hunter and Jeff were not included in that.

Actually, the author would go so far to say that they had a bit of an exhibitionist streak, because they loved to show off how great their bodies looked and moved. It was just quite amusing to see this taken beyond their control.

It all started one Friday evening in the Granbrooke dormitories, where Hunter and Sebastian were returning from a trip to a local bar. Not Scandals because Hunter couldn’t be bothered to drive so far. On their walk down to dormitory G14 (Hunter and Jeff’s dormitory, frequently occupied by Niff) and G16 (Nick and Sebastian’s dormitory, frequently occupied by Huntbastian), they noticed something. On the door handle of room G14 was a red and navy striped tie.

The tie on the door handle was the universal (Well, Dalton) symbol of: SEX GOING ON HERE! DO NOT ENTER!

Hunter snorted “Looks like I’m  
gonna sleep in your room tonight, baby.” He waved a hand at the tie looped and knotted around the handle. 

“Nick doesn’t clean up his shit half the time - no wonder they always want to go and fuck in your nice, fresh room.” Sebastian pursed his lips “Hey, um.” A smile spread across his face.

Hunter crooked an eyebrow at him “What are you thinking? You have your mischievous face.”

“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all, Hunter.” Sebastian sang quietly to his boyfriend as he unwrapped the tie from the handle and stuffed it into his pocket.

“You know anyone could walk in and see them - Oh - you are so smart, honey. “ Hunter grinned as he tailed off, before leading Sebastian into G16. The two of them sat quietly watching Netflix, and listening out for any screams of shock or disgust or embarrassment.

Poor Thad. He had just wanted to give Jeff his algebra textbook back, and seeing that the tie was no longer on the handle, believed his eyes and ears were safe. Haha, as if. He wandered into G14, waving the textbook and opened the door to see Nick lying on his back on Jeff’s bed, whilst his boyfriend was sixty-nine-ing him. Jeff was still invested in sucking Nick’s cock whilst Nick, as Thad noticed, had his face buried between Jeff’s ass cheeks. Thad blinked, his eyes growing wide as Jeff looked up and noticed him. Then, they both screeched.

Thad threw the textbook across the room and covered his eyes. Jeff sat up and dashed like a rocket, pushing Thad out the room.

“Tie on the DOOR! Oh my God- “ Thad yelled from outside the room.

“There IS a tie on the door!” Nick yelled in frustration from inside.

“Uh - are you blind? There’s no tie here!” Thad replied, folding his arms.

“Wh-What?” Jeff spluttered, hurriedly wrapping a towel around himself and opening the door, his face contorting into a grimace “We always put a tie on the door!”

“Looking for something, gentlemen?” Sebastian smirked as he and Hunter stood leaning against the doorway to the other room. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a tie that was loosely knotted.

“Wh-Why would you do that?” Nick’s face contorted into a deep scowl as he folded his arms. Sebastian gave him a short laugh as he tossed the criminal tie over to Nick.

“Just thought it was funny. Which it was.” Hunter smirked “Definitely worth seeing Jeff naked for.” Jeff let out a quiet, snarky ‘Hey!’.

Nick shook his head slowly, wandering up to Sebastian and Hunter so close that they could feel his minty breath bounce off their jaws. “We will get you.” Nick glared at them, “And when we do, you’ll feel the wrath of Niff RAIN down upon you.”

“I love how angry you guys get because you’re closer to Hell.” Hunter smiled “See you later!” He grabbed Sebastian’s arm and pulled him into the room.

Sebastian laughed as he was dragged inside “Tie on the door, boys!” 

Jeff growled “We are going to end them if it’s the last thing Niff does.”

———————

That night, Nick and Jeff decided to stay in G14 to plan their wicked revenge. It was half revenge, and half giving Hunter and Sebastian a taste of their own medicine. Just bigger and better than taking a tie off a door.

It starts with a text to Blaine Anderson.

Jeff knows Nick and Sebastian play lacrosse together and that their team practices are from four o clock to half past five on a Monday. He feels excited being able to set the first part of their plan in motion. He waits until four outside G16 (he genuinely had no excuse for if Hunter came out and saw him there) , listening out for the buzz of a shower. Hunter usually likes taking showers when Sebastian isn’t there, knowing that the French boy will take half the evening in there doing self care. So much for making fun of Kurt Hummel’s intense moisturising mission, but Sebastian also knows how to keep beautiful. 

When he hears the sound, it’s like sex to his ears because his knees are starting to cramp and Trent gave him a weird looked as he passed Jeff on the floor earlier. 

Edging the door open, he spots Sebastian’s phone on the further desk. Each step brings a slight creak, but soon he makes it, and he is almost sweating with joy...

Shit...

Sebastian’s daddy had bought him the new iPhone last week. What if it only uses fingerprint recognition? Lo and behold, he feels a little vibration in his thumb as the recognition detects and rejects him.

Shit...

Wait, he must have set up a back up passcode right? Of course!

Using his sleeve, Jeff made it onto the keypad. But what could the passcode be?

His birthday? Incorrect

Hunter’s birthday? Incorrect. Jeff knew that if it wasn’t for Thad asking Sebastian what he’d got Hunter for his birthday the day before, Sebastian would have forgotten his own boyfriend’s birthday.

Maybe - his and Hunter’s anniversary date? But was that the date of their first date, or when they decided to get together? Jeff wracked his brain, knowing both answers. But Hunter would be our soon and if he got this attempt wrong, he’d be locked from the phone for a minute.

He decided with what was the happiest day of Sebastian’s life. After weeks of pining and crushing, Hunter finally asked him out, sending Sebastian squealing like a teenage girl into G14. Yes, Jeff decided, it was now or never.

He almost came in his pants from the relief when he saw the home screen come up. Quickly, he went to iMessages and scrolled down to bLaIne AndErSon. 

Jeff typed this message with lightning thumbs.

Bastian > bLaIne AndErSon: Heyyy, Killer. Been thinking bout you (and your little pride parade glee club). This Friday come to Dalton for a chilled lil invitational. Love and sex, Sebby xxx

He gets a reply back almost instantly. Jeff hears Hunter cough in the bathroom and almost drops the phone in surprise.

bLaIne AndErSon > Bastian

Hey, sure. Sounds good! We will be there to kick your asses.

Jeff’s face contorted into a wide smirk as he read the text over and over again. Within seconds, the messages had been deleted and Jeff breathed a sigh of relief. Until he heard a movement in the bathroom. For once, he really hoped it was Korna’s demon who was moving around, and not Hunter getting ready to come out. He chucked the phone onto Sebastian’s bed and strolled out the room quietly, zooming into the room next door.

He breathed again, settling down on his bed, and waiting for Nick. Phase one - success.

On the second day, Jeff sneaks in again during a free period. He grabs all of Sebastian’s underwear apart from the packet of thongs shoved in the back of his drawer. How did Jeff know about the thongs?, you ask. Well, everyone knows about the iconic Huntbastian thong incident that occurred a couple weeks ago. But that is a story for another time.

On the third day, Nick visits the Blue Chew website and makes a purchase.

On the fourth day, their package arrives in the mail and Nick can only pray that someone at the Dalton reception didn’t Google was Blue Chew is.

On Friday evening, Nick and Jeff stroll down to dinner. They pass Sebastian as he and Hunter wander past them to the Warblers’ usual table in the centre of the cafeteria. Jeff’s grin widened as he said hi to both of them and used his closer hand to grab one of Sebastian’s ass cheeks firmly. Fireworks explode in his brain when he realises Sebastian isn’t wearing briefs.

Sebastian noticed his amused smile “Yeah,” he whispered “I think most of my underwear is in the wash today so I went for Hunter’s favourite...He’s been going wild all day!” He giggled before Hunter beckoned him away to the table.

“Nick?” 

“Yeah, Jeff?”

“I Niff you.”

“I Niff you too. Let’s get em.”

When Hunter got up to get water, and Sebastian was busy chatting to Trent, Jeff launched into action. He emptied the packet into Hunter’s flask before anyone noticed. Anyone...apart from Thad, who screwed up his face in confusion. He was still afraid to sit near Nick and Jeff after his trauma-inducing experience.

Hunter came back.

He drank from his flask.

Niff waited.

Sebastian carried on talking.

Ten minutes later, Hunter muttered to Sebastian that he wants to go, and Sebastian nods and picks his tray up. 

Niff snicker when Hunter picks his tray up with one hand and uses a apple to badly concealed his swiftly forming boner.

“What did you idiots do this time?” Thad asked, taking a sip of his cup of apple juice. He almost choked when Niff giggle and answer “Viagra!” In unison.

———————-

Poor New Directions. All they wanted to do was have fun with the Warblers and chill after a long week of school and Glee and Rachel Berry. Haha, as if. They stood outside the room G16 and waited as Santana knocked loudly on the door. She really hoped they would realise the New Directions had arrived so they could turn off their shitty homo music. Poor Santana. Seeing there was no tie on the door, and it wasn’t locked either, Kurt huffed and shoved the door open. Lol.

The New Directions gaped as they saw the scene unfolding in front of them. Sebastian was lying on his back, his long legs wrapped around Hunter’s back. His nails dug into the sides of the mattress as his back arched with Hunter’s thrusts. Hunter was grinning at how Sebastian’s eyes widened and rolled as he writhed around the bed, his mouth falling open to breathe a rush of lust and ecstasy. Hunter had his forearms around Sebastian’s chest under his arched back, pounding into Sebastian roughly and with great pace. The bright pink thong was screwed up in a ball on the floor.

“O-Oh, H-H-Hunter!” Sebastian was moaning “Harder, please - harder!”

They only spotted their surprised audience when Rachel let out a scared shriek, which made Santana grab the door knob and slam the door with a bang. 

After a moment of panic and finding towels or shorts, Hunter and Sebastian opened the door to some scowls and some snickers.

“Okay, why did the Nude Erections decide to autotune their asses into Dalton and interrupt my boyfriend and I making sweet, sweet boy love.”

“Santana and I have sweet lady kisses. Do you have sweet boy kisses?” Brittany blinked.

Sebastian snickered “Sweet boy kisses,” He began to count on his fingers “Sweet boy handjobs, sweet boy blowjobs, sweet boy anal-“

Hunter’s cheeks flushed bright red “Okay, babe - that’s enough.” He paused “Yes, why are we so graced with your impoverished presence?”

“You,” Rachel glared directly at Sebastian “Asked us to come an invitational - which you and the Warblers never showed up for! Therefore, we clearly won-“

“Shut your mouth, Berry, before I take your thick hooker lipstick and stick your lips together.” Sebastian sighed “And we never invited you here. Unless we wanted a petting zoo for the rich little mommies and daddies.”

“Uh, yeah you did, Sebby.” Blaine fishes his phone out of his pocket and showed them the text.

“This is timestamped at 4:37 pm on Monday.” Hunter noted.

“No shit, Straight Boy.” Santana folded her arms, giving Blaine a confused look.

“Which is when I leave my phone in my room because I have lacrosse practice from 4 until 5:30 on Monday.” Sebastian blinked. “That’s weird.”

“And I went to the library and your phone was on the bed, not on your bedside table as I had left it-“ Hunter replied “I think someone’s messing with us.”

“Hunter, you’ve still got a boner whilst talking to us.” Sam pointed out, glancing at Quinn. 

“Which is doing a great job of poking through that towel the same well Berry pokes her big Jewish nose when motor boating Finns double D manboobs.” Santana added before she received a glare from all three of Hunter, Rachel and Finn.

“Santana, if you don’t have anything nice to say-“

“Anyway,” Hunter interrupted “Weird things have been happening to us all week.”

“Anyone got a grudge against you?” Blaine asked.

“Oh, Sebby and Hunter.” A giggle cut the mothers’ meeting outside G16 short as the door opposite opened. Nick and Jeff we’re in each other’s arms and leaning against the doorway coolly. Their smirks seemed a little too...happy for some reason, according to Sebastian and Hunter.

“Wait-“ Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows.

“You guys?” Hunter blinked, his jaw dropping.

“Looking for something, gentlemen?” Nick plucked a red and navy knotted Dalton tie from his pocket and threw it at Hunter and Sebastian, falling to the ground after colliding with Hunter’s shoulder. Nick’s gleeful voice rang out through the low rumble of the New Directions. With a low growl, Hunter began to chase them down the hall...without his towel which he had conveniently dropped when he started running. 

“Jeff! Nick! Come back here you utter bastards!”

“Oh my God, Hunt - put a sock on! Nicky, my eyes are burning!”

“Hunt, put some clothes on - jeez!”

Blaine grimaced “Now I really wish I had been blinded.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a fun little one-shot book that isn’t anything serious. 
> 
> Comments welcomed and encouraged!


End file.
